take my hand..

i want to rip your eyes out and show you the darkness of my world

i want to sew your mouth shut so your words can no longer hurt

your shadow.. it haunts me

your presence.. it bleeds

your spirit… it holds me… it loves it.. it leaves…

every breath you take rapes my soul

every second i’m awake i hear you call..

i’m standing in all this emptiness..

stabbing daggers at your heart.

slitting wrists and smiling again.

But if you were to turn around.. i’d know you were the only one who cared

watch see me struggle away from you. watch the sky and let the clouds cry.

Amidst the crowded lives of betrayal - I drown.

in all the wasted efforts … in all my misery

i’ll turn around and smile at you so that you can believe i’m fine without you.

and when everything seems perfect again.

Smiling is only a facade that deceives the eye.

[ Lisa + Eliza - Emo poets ]

Something deep inside.

Its more than just the love, its the lies.

Its the beauty of your sin

The dark side hiding within.

The games you play

The past you erased

The hurt that overcomes everything.

As mystery unfolds

I build bridges to your worlds untold.

I caress the morning sun

Make it rise. Make you run.

Seeking what can never be found

Chasing what’s no longer around.

The love of death, the death of love.

And all else that exists to you. Be gone.

Joy - the company of friends and foes

Dissatisfaction - the pain of a dry meal

Embarassment - people i’d prefer not to mention

Insecurity - questioning your motives. Stop pretending.

Frustration - i despise thee traffic

Bliss - TV and fast food

Hope - better days to come

Suspicion - sometimes I don’t know whether I can trust you

Despair - loneliness is hard to kill

Confusion - yes or no baby?

Used - and abused

Love - maybe

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost your way?

Do you ever think of the last time you lied to get what you wanted,

or loved then had to let go?

Sometimes the world just drowns you

Sometimes it strangles you.

Sometimes you think the pain you feel, noone else will understand.

Right now I feel like I’m walking this distance alone.

So who’s gonna take my hand and pick me off the floor?

Who’s gonna jump when I jump, and catch me when I fall?

I dont know what I want right now.

I can barely understand who I am.

Should I be smiling because he kissed me, or crying because he’s not the one I love.

Should I be glad that she’s my friend, or angry because she’s bitching behind my back.

So its not trust anymore, its deceit.

Its not a relationship, its common courtesy.

Life can be a game, but what if you don’t want to play anymore.

Take my hand and lets jump together.

[ 7/8/05]

nothing really.  Trying hard not to talk more than i need to. did you realise that ppl that talk too much say a lot of dumb things?

had first ever slightly-more-than-mild ‘pissed off’ @ Lisa (!!!) session on Sunday… lol… ended on.. Sunday… *shrugs* highlight of the week was .. Sunday… i peking duck’d it with annie and justin… we ate 4 each… next time we wont invite justin and me and annie will get 6 each… and then get fat!!! i loathe thee winter.. the winter that makes you gain 10 pounds and a potbelly.. the winter that makes ur nose go red and runny… the winter that makes u wear unsexy baggy jackets and gets ur ’sexy heelz’ wet and ur toes cold… yes.. i really loathe thee winter.

anyone that cooks food for me that doesnt taste like shit, will win my heart…

unless you are odd? like… third nipple? argh… if i get desperate i’ll settle for anything *shrugs*

time wasted thinking and typing = 6 minutes? i still have 51 minutes till next class… maybe i should write something smart… hmm.. maybe in the next one.. for now.. be gone

-broke-